Chapter 15 – Telepathy, Telekinesis, Same Diff.

My eyes fluttered open. I was still on the ground on Tegan’s property, and Alec was still next to me, his arms still around me. I tried to pretend like I was still asleep. As if he read my mind, he whispered “Good morning” in my ear. I groaned.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” he asked. Yes, actually there is. Stay here. Hold me. Never let go. Something along those lines would be great.

“No, not really.” I replied sleepily. “My mom’s probably worried sick.” I said, a bit worriedly, but I didn’t move.

“Jade told your mom that you were there when Ms. Dennis “Tripped and fell on a rock that cut open her throat and killed her”. She said you were traumatized and your friend took you away for awhile.”

“What to the police think?”

“Exactly what Jade told them. She even planted evidence. She’s a great friend, you know.” I nodded.

“What about Tegan?”

“She’s agreed to keep her mouth shut, though she thinks you lied to her.”

“About what?”

“That I’m not sure about.” I sighed.

“What time is it?” I asked, and I wish I hadn’t, because he moved his arm off of me to get his phone out of his pocket.

“Eight thirteen. Why?”

“I’m late for school.” I stated. He put his arm back around me.

“We should do something. Start the weekend early, go somewhere. Take your mind off of what happened.”

“I’d like that.” I said. In truth, I’d like anything that Alec said that involved the word “we”, but that was beside the point. I wanted to forget about what I did, and staying around here wasn’t going to help anything.

“Where are you going?” I had gone back home to get the basic essentials that I would need if I was going away for a few days, and once again, Dave was questioning everything I did.

“Away. And since my mom’s okay with it, then I’m free to do so. You have no power over me.” I stated, trying to make it clear that I really didn’t care what he had to say.

“You have no right to speak to me in that tone.”

“You’re not my father!” I screamed. I tried to remember the last time I’d seen my father, before he ran off to pursue his career as a vampire hunter… But that’s another story for another time.

“Kieyra, I-” but before he could finish, I was out the door and into Alec’s car (because apparently, no matter how long you’ve been living in a hole, you still find the time to learn how to drive) and on my way to who knows where.

“Just out of curiosity…Where are we going?” Alec chuckled.

“I have no idea.”

“That helps.” I said sarcastically, though I really didn’t care where we were going.

“Where would you like to go?” Wherever you are.

“I don’t really care.” I admitted.

“Then should we just drive until you see a place you’d like to stay?” He asked. If we were going to do that, we would pull to the side of the road right now and stay there forever.

“Sounds good.” I smiled and leaned my head on the icy car window.

I must’ve fallen asleep, ‘cause when I opened my eyes, I don’t think we were even in Canada still.

“Where are we?”

“Niagara Falls, USA.”

“Why are we in America? I’m not supposed to leave the country.” Which was true, because I didn’t have a passport.

“Relax. There’s a motel over there. We’ll stop there and figure out what we’re doing.”

The motel was pretty crappy, so their best room was tiny and smelled a bit like fish. In the room were two beds, a dusty lamp, a TV with free cable, a mini fridge, and a tiny closet. If this was the best room, I wondered what the worst room looked like.

Later that night, somehow the topic of Damien came up, and I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of supernatural powers him and his ‘goons’ had.

“Can Damien see what people are doing, like, when they’re doing them?”

“No, he has people for that.”

“Can he see the future?”

“No, he has people for that.”

“Can he, like, cause excruciating pain with his mind?”

“Again, he has people for that?”

“Well, can he read minds or something?”

“He had people for that.”

“Then what can he- wait, did you say had?”

“Yeah.” He shrugged.

“What can you do?” I asked, a little suspicious now.

“Stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“Does it matter?”

“Now it does.” 

“Why do you want to know?”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“‘Cause you’d be mad.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“Kieyra-”

“No, tell me. No more of that crap. I’m tired of it. Now tell me.”

“But-”

“No. No buts. Whatever it is, it’d be worse if you don’t tell me.”

“You’re gonna hate me. Please.”

“Tell me. I’m not gonna stop asking until you do, because the more you keep secrets from me, the more I really am going to hate you.”

“Alright, fine. I’m Telepathic. That means I can read minds.”

“I know what it means.” I snapped.

“And if you can read minds, then that means you can read my mind, which means…” my face turned red. I was angry, embarrassed, and a little confused all at the same time.

“You know everything.”

“It’s not my fault.” He said. I couldn’t even stand to go through this level of embarrassment; quite frankly I wasn’t in the mood. My eyes were watering. I bolted for the door, but Alec grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

“Stop it. Hear me out, okay?”

“Everything I thought about, dreamed about, fantasized about… that stuff was supposed to be private.” I couldn’t even look him in the eyes.

“I didn’t mean to hear or see any of that-”

“You could see it too? Oh god.” He chuckled.

“This isn’t funny.” He shook his head, still smiling.

“Oh, and by the way, you left out some crucial information in your thoughts and fantasies.”

“What information?”

“The part where I want to keep holding you and never let you go, the part where I  want  you to be wherever I am, the part where I want to stay with you forever. The part where I like you back.” I honestly couldn’t say anything. Was there anything to be said?

“Kieyra?” Alec asked, concerned. I tried to speak, but all that came out was weird noises that couldn’t be translated into English.

“What?”

“Please don’t make me say it again; it was hard enough the first time.”

“You…Like me? Since when?”

“Since I met you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“How do you expect me to tell you something like that?”

“Like you just did, without me getting all mad at you. It’s that simple.” Geez. I have never understood boy logic, and probably never will. I sat back down on my bed.

“What can I do?” I asked, changing the subject back to weird vampire powers.

“How should I know?”

“You’re the mind reader.” I shrugged.

“Try something.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. What are you good at?”

“…Being lazy.” He rolled his eyes.

“Define that.”

“Getting what I want without having to break a sweat. Being able to get what I want from the comfort of my own couch.” He sat on my bed beside me in silence for about fifteen minutes before he finally got an idea. He left, and came back a minute later with, of all things, a feather. He placed it in front of me.

“Move it.” I gave him a strange look before picking the feather up, twirling it around in my fingers, and putting it back down.

“Is that supposed to be extraordinary? Because anyone can do that, just so you know, unless it’s some magic feather.” He rolled his eyes.

“Without touching it.”

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“Just try.”

“Fine then.” I sat cross-legged on the bed and stared at the feather. Nothing. Five more minutes and still nothing.

“You’re not trying.” he said. I frowned

“Yes I am!”

“Concentrate.”

“I am.” I growled, annoyed.

“What you’re concentrating on is waiting for something to happen. You have to try to do it yourself.”

“How do I do that, Mr. I-Know-Everything?”

“Just try. You’ll figure it out.” I turned back to the feather and focused really hard, not even blinking. My legs were starting to get stiff, and when I moved to a different position, still staring at the feather, I swear I saw it move a little bit. I turned to Alec. He shrugged.

“Wind.” He suggested. Thanks for being so supportive. He smiled a little, which reminded me that he could hear everything I thought. I stared at the feather again, this time mentally commanding it to move upwards. As I started to look more towards the ceiling, the feather followed my gaze. I turned around slowly, watching in fascination as it moved with me. Take that, Mr. You’re-Not-Concentrating-Enough. I smirked and looked at the time, causing the feather to fall to the ground. It was nearing 2 AM. I yawned and lied down on my bed. Just to show off, I flicked the light switch off with my mind. Alec smiled. Goodnight. I thought, feeling too tired (and lazy) to talk.

“Good night, Kieyra.” I stared at the ceiling until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore, and then the world turned to black.

The Hole Mix. Oh yeah. im fly like that.

took this picture on my ipod of The Hole playlist.

Chapter 14 - Taking Your Emotions Out on Evil Teachers Does Not Solve Problems, It Just Makes Things Worse

Later that night, Jade and I went to hang out at the library. I hadn’t been to the Carleton Place Library since I was about six or seven, so it was a whole new world to me. Jade brought me here in an attempt to take my mind of to the situation hereafter referred to as “The Alec Thing”, and it would have worked, except for the fact that Alec seems to follow me everywhere. Including the Carleton Place Library.

“Hey.” I didn’t even look behind me.

“Go away.”

“What’d I do?” I turned around.

“You ruined me.”

“What?”

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” I started to go find Jade.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Like I said, it doesn’t matter.”         

 “If you say so.” Jade whisked me away from Alec.

“Can we go now?” I asked.

“Sure as hell we can.”

The next day, at school, I couldn’t concentrate at all in class. Not through gym, science, religion, art, lunch, or silent reading (during which I read a book about the affects of smoking, and found out over 50 different poisons that can be found in a cigarette). Finally, I decided just to ditch all together. I faked a stomach ache so that I could go to the office, and then started for the door. Ms. Dennis saw me and stopped me.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asked.

“office.”

“So the office is outside now?”

“I called home. I don’t feel well.” I lied.

“Then go wait in the office.” When I got into the office, Tegan was there.

“Hey.” She said.

“Hi.” I replied, not looking at her.

“I heard you’re BFFs with the new girl now.”

“Uh huh.”

“Why haven’t you talked to me lately?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. What are you doing in here anyways?”

“Sean pulled a prank and blamed me. Lets just say it involved three cans of silly string and a confetti gun.” I laughed. Ms. Dennis stormed in, furious.

“I just called your parents. Neither of them recall you calling home sick.” She said sternly. I bolted for the door. Tegan, Jade (who saw me while getting a drink of water from the fountain), and Ms. Dennis chased me outside.

“You’re not going anywhere, Miss Gordon.” Ms. Dennis growled.

“What makes you think you have any power over me?”

“I  have the authority to suspend you.”

“And you think I care?” I started walking towards the parking lot, but she followed me.

“What the hell do you want?”

“Don’t you speak to me that way.”

“Oh yeah? Watch me.” I was so mad that my eyes darkened and my fangs emerged from my gums. I lunged for her neck viciously, tearing open her throat. Tegan and Jade were speechless. I released my school’s now dead staff member and watched in horror as her limp body fell to the ground. I was so horrified at what I had done that I couldn’t think straight.

“I-I-I’m sorry you guys had to see that.” Tegan and Jade still said nothing. I heard footsteps coming down the hall, panicked, and ran.

I ran right past my house, Jade’s house, and all the way past my old house in Almonte. I just kept running. Past the Mack’s Milk where Brianna McIntyre, the eighteen year old mentioned in the paper, may or may not have been attacked. Past the library that I owed tons of money in fines to. Past Roxy’s house and the Almonte High School. I stopped at Tegan’s house and ran reflexively into the forest there, remembering that that was a place where I had once felt happy. I found a spot where Tegan and I ate watermelon one day during the summer after sixth grade, went down the steep hill that she had warned me not to go down, and found a small pond where I washed the dried blood off of my face. I went back up the hill and sat down. It was a beautiful view of the forest. I lied down on the cool grass, curled up in a ball, and began to cry.

I opened my eyes. I must’ve fallen asleep; it was now twilight and the sun was setting. On the horizon I saw that the sky was a radiant purple with tiny bits of red where the sun was. If I’d remembered to get my cell phone out of my locker before I ditched school and killed Ms. Dennis, I would have taken a picture. Remembering what I’d done, I started to cry again. For that one moment, I hated myself and what I was. I spotted a large, pointy branch that had fallen off of a tree and was now lying dead on the forest floor. And I hated myself so much… I wouldn’t feel this sadness and hatred anymore… I picked up the stick and pointed the sharp end towards my chest. Was I really going to end my life here, in Tegan’s backyard? If the last thing I saw was that beautiful sunset, then maybe now would be an acceptable time to die. I closed my eyes. On the count of three. One, two...three. Just as I was about to stake myself in the heart, the stick disappeared from my hands. I opened my eyes and looked around.

“Who do you think you are, Edward Cullen? A suicidal vampire? Really, Kieyra?”

I spun around. Alec stood there, twirling my weapon of choice around in his hand.

“Jade told me what happened.” He added, his voice a bit more sympathetic this time. The tears were coming back.

“Are you okay?”

“That’s a stupid question, of course I’m not.” I wept. He sat down on the grass and I sat next to him.

“ I didn’t mean to do it,” I said softly, “I swear I didn’t.”

“I know.” He said, trying to comfort me as he locked his arms around me. I leaned my head on his shoulder.

“I thought vampires weren’t supposed to feel bad about stuff.” I said, sniffling.

“You don’t, until you decide to feel emotion. And then you feel everything.”

“Why do you even care?”

“What?”

“Why are you here? You could have let me die.”

“We’re friends. Friends care about friends. And if I can recall, this is the second time I’ve saved your life.”

“Thanks for that.” I’d never been this vulnerable around him before. I’d never cried in front of…well…anyone…in a long time. It was actually kind of…nice, If I thought about it. Nice to finally have a friend I could talk to. Nice to know that someone actually cared. Nice to know that Alec, of all people, cared. And with that in mind, I drifted off to sleep.

Celebratory Post!!!

984 words till 20,000 words!!! Yay!! Chapter fourteen is EPIC. epicly epic. And epic of epic epicness. You get the point.

Chapter 13- Darn Those Random Questionnaires.

Dear President Of The Kill The Crow Foundation,
SHUT UUUUUP!!!!!!! He musn't die and i will explain in this chapter. I know you'll hate it, but killing him would drive me INSANE, almost as much as my little brother does, or maybe more.
sincerely,
President of the Alec Phillips aka Crow Boy Is Amazing Foundation,
aka Kira
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number of hours it took my mom to realize I was gone: 2 and a half. Number of times my mom apologized to me: somewhere around 80. Number of rounds of 20 questions me and Alec played: 27. Number of times the thing I was thinking of was mutant cockroaches: 14. Number of times Alec made fun of me: 17. Number of times I slapped him: 17. Number of “don’t talk to strangers” looks my mom gave me: 13. Number of times I thought about Alec’s eyes: 32, but it’s not my fault they’re so darn beautiful.

Therefore, Myth About Vampires Having Counting Obsessions = True

Because my mom felt so bad about leaving me in the parking lot of a cheap restaurant, she decided to give me money for lunch every day for the next month. But, since I don’t really eat anything, all that money is going to the “Kieyra Needs New Clothes Foundation.” So, five dollars every day for four weeks minus the weekend would be…100 dollars. Fun! I could buy myself a decent pair of shoes!

Moving on…

When I got back to my school in Carleton Place, I found out there was a new girl named Jade Smith. She had an older brother named Drake and a younger sister named Elena. I know this because my math teacher, Mr. G, assigned me and Jade together for a project.

Suddenly it clicked.

Elena Smith- the little girl I met in The Hole. And Drake-that was her brother’s name.

“Hey, um, I was just wondering…Are you related to the Elena Smith that went missing about a month ago?”

“Yeah, actually…that’s my sister. How did you know that?” Jade had this confused look on her face, and behind her glasses her green eyes had a hint of concern in them. She twirled a loose piece of black hair that wasn’t pulled back in a ponytail around her finger.

“I’m the one who saved her.” I lowered my voice just enough that only Jade could hear me.

“How is that possible?”

“Meet me in the forest behind the school after school and I’ll tell you.” Jade looked around suspiciously, chewed on a piece of her hair, and then finally said “Okay”

After school, Jade and I went directly to the forest, where I told her what I was. She freaked out a little, but after five minutes of reasoning with her she was fine.

“So…let me get this straight. You’re a vampire, but you don’t kill people, you kill squirrels, deer, and the occasional bunny. You haven’t killed anyone…yet…and my sister was there when you turned, so if I don’t believe you I should ask her.”

“Exactly.”

“How many people exactly have you told about vampires? How many are you planning to tell? How stupid are you?” That wasn’t Jade’s voice. It wasn’t even female. I spun around. Alec stood there with his arms folded. He looked mad.

“I…um…” this was the first time since I met Alec that I couldn’t think of a snappy comeback. I let out a sigh of defeat.

“I shouldn’t have, I know. I’m sorry.” Alec was taken aback.

“What, no groan, no slap in the face, no eye-roll? Are you sick?”

“God I hope so.” I muttered under my breath.

“I already knew vampires existed, so don’t blame Kieyra.”  Jade defended.

“She’s got a point.” I added.

“Well, I guess you are my friend-”

“Like one of those friends you can’t stay mad at?” I pouted innocently.

“Unfortunately.”

“And unfortunately, I win.” I chortled, skipping around. Jade and Alec laughed. My phone rang. Mom. Joy.

“Hi mom.”

“Where are you?”

“Oh, sorry, I was talking with a friend after school. I’ll be home soon. Bye!” I hung up and turned to Alec.
”I gotta go.”

“Me too.” Jade said, “Where do you live?”

“Moffat street. You?”

“Me too! Lets walk together!”

“Cool. Bye Alec.” I called as we started walking towards my house. He waved goodbye and disappeared. Jade giggled.

“What?”

“You so like him.” I rolled my eyes.

“Is there some guys-and-girls-can-be-friends concept people don’t get?”

“I get the concept. What I don’t get is why when people like each other they don’t just tell each other and get on with their lives.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Was that a confession?”

“I’m not admitting to anything nor denying anything, all I’m saying is that nothing’s ever that simple, even though it should be.”

“I think that was a confession.” Jade teased.

“Ugh, fine then, since convincing you is pointless, I might as well give up.” I grumbled.

“Total confession.”

“I AM NOT FRICKIN CONFESSING TO ANYTHING!”

“First stage, denial.” She said in a sing-songy voice, turning down the driveway to her house.

“See you tomorrow.” She added, then unlocked her front door and went inside.

All night all I could think of was what Jade had said. Even the next day, during math class, I was trying to figure out if it was possible to deny denial. The only thing that broke my trance was when Jade poked me in the back of the neck with a pencil to ask me what the Pythagorean Theorem was.

“Like I told you yesterday, the formula is A squared plus B squared equals C squared, then you find the square root of C squared to get the hypotenuse. Do you get it now?”

“I think.” Jade said, tapping her pencil on her desk. Just then, a couple of high school girls came into the classroom. Apparently they were taking a survey of all the grade eight and seven girls to find out how materialistic pre-teen and teenage girls are in the 21^st century. We all went into the “student success room” where the evil Ms. Dennis works to do them. I sat next to Jade and looked at the survey. The whole time, though, there was only one thing I could think of every time I read a question.

Question 1: What is your favorite color?

(which, in my opinion, had probably nothing to do with materialism, but that didn’t stop the thought of Alec’s eyes from coming to my mind before I answered “Don’t have one”)

Question 2: if you could choose one thing to look at for the rest of your life, what would it be?

My answer: something beautiful, like a waterfall. (Alec’s face)

Question 3: What is your favorite thing to do?

My answer: spend time with my friends and family. (Be with Alec)

Question 4: What is the one thing in the world you couldn’t live without?

My answer: The people I love, eg. Family, Friends, Pets, etc…(Alec)

I swear, Jade Smith will be the death of me. In a figurative sense, of course, but she’s killing me here.

After I finished answering the non personal and less (Alec) thought provoking questions like “Approximately how much money do you spend a month on clothes, accessories, and makeup”, I handed my questionnaire to Ms. Dennis and headed to my locker to pack my bag to go home.

“So, you seemed…Rather agitated. What’s up?” I started laughing insanely, like someone worthy of a room in a local insane asylum.

“What’s up? I’m having an emotional crisis, and all you can say is ‘what’s up’? Oh god, I’m crazy.” She laughed.

“Does this have something to do with that Alec dude I met yesterday?”

“Yes, and it’s all your fault.” I groaned.

“How is it my fault that you like him?” I didn’t even bother denying it this time.

“Because you made me think about it, and when I think about things I can’t stop thinking about them.”

“Don’t you have friends you could vent to?”

“Oh, you mean those friends I’ve barely spoken to since I got back from London?”

“Hey, at least you have friends.”

“And you don’t?”

“No, not really.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” Jade smiled.

“Yeah, I guess we are, aren’t we.”

Chapter 12- Wherein I Stop Using The Word “Wherein” to Start Off Chapters and I Find Out The Truth About How Much My Mother Really Loves Me

The whole car ride home from London all I could think about was this “prophecy” thing. I called Katherine’s phone about fifty times before it said “Your call has been temporarily blocked, try again in a week or so” which, yes, was EXACTLY what it said (which I thought was totally informal, but my opinion never really seems to matter, does it). Nathen kept poking me in the back of the head with a plastic “wand”, but I was forced to ignore it or my mom would throw a fit. The first pit-stop we made was Whitby, which is about 3 hours away from London. We stopped to eat lunch at a place called “Rip Off Rodney’s”, which, I’ll have to admit, is probably even WORSE than a place called “Cheap Charlie’s” my cousin Alexa told me about. Apparently, a health inspector tried to shut down Rip Off Rodney’s, but he got carried away by mutant roaches. I decided to stay outside, ‘cause I was definitely not eating food I didn’t even need to eat at a place possibly infested with mutant bugs.

After a few minutes of sitting outside the restaurant, my phone rang. I half-expected it to be Katherine, but it said “Unknown Number”.
“Hello?” there was a pause
“Is anyone there?” I asked. I heard breathing.
“walk towards the dumpster. Make sure you’re not being followed.” The voice sounded slightly distorted and vaguely familiar.
“Who is this?”
“Doesn’t matter. Now do it or else.”
“I don’t know who you are, but I’m not afraid of you.”
“Don’t be stupid. I wouldn’t want something bad to happen to your family.” I gulped and started walking over to the dumpster.
“What do you want from me?”
“You’ll see. Now, walk towards the park across the field.” I ran at lightning speed to the park.
“Now turn around.” I spun around, half expecting to see Damien. Thankfully it wasn’t.
“You’re a real doofus, you know that?” Alec grinned.
“Yeah, I know.” I walked up to him and punched him hard in the face.
“Ow. For a girl you have an amazing right hook.”
“Thank you.” I smirked. “Now what was it you wanted?”
“I heard about what happened at your family reunion with Katherine.”
“Is there some world-wide vampire network I should know about?” he chuckled.
“Nope, I’m just on speaking terms with Katherine now.”
“Oh. Joy.” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
“She did tell me a few things about the whole prophecy thing, but if you’re just going to be mean…”
“No! Tell me! Please!” I half-begged.
“Okay, well, in the 1700s, when Katherine was 17, she was vain and selfish, coming from a wealthy family. Her parents sent her to live with a poorer family who lived around this area. There she met a man named Javier. Javier was a vampire who had supposedly lost his brother in a house fire.”
“Supposedly?”
“Javier was Damien’s older brother, Kieyra.” I was taken by surprise.
“So…there are TWO freaking evil dudes after me now!?”
“Let me finish. Javier was tired of putting up with Katherine’s mean-spirited attitude, so he hired a witch to put a curse on her so that she would have to live for eternity alongside someone as vain and evil as her, therefore, a doppelganger. Hell, more than a doppelganger. A complete double of her. Like a clone.”
“Then what happened?”
“He turned her into a vampire. Which brings us to the prophecy. When the aforementioned doppelganger reached the age of 17, she would fully take on Katherine’s personality and appearance, and would have no control over her own thoughts or feelings. Then Javier would come back to turn her into a vampire.”
“Is that what happened at dinner last night?”
“Precisely.”
“ There’s only one problem. I already am a vampire.”
“That’s the part I haven’t figured out yet.”
“Oh.” He started laughing.
“What?”
“You have such a great family. They just left without you.” I ran to the parking lot at Rip Off Rodney’s to find my mom‘s car gone.
“They’re probably just around the corner.”
“Whatever you say.” He chuckled again. I rolled my eyes and walked around the block. Nothing. Two more blocks and still no mom or Nathen.
“You done looking yet?”
“Go to hell.”
“Ouch.” I rolled my eyes.
“Sorry, I’m just really pissed right now.”
“You’re apologizing? That’s a first.” I rolled my eyes.
“Don’t get used to it.” I looked around one final time before giving up.
“Okay, how far could they have possibly gotten in five minutes?”
“Well, depending on how tired my mom is and how annoying my brother’s being, I’d say about 3 kilometers, give or take.”
“Should we go see if we can’t catch up to them?”
“First of all, who said there was a ‘we’, and second of all, I want to wait and see how long it takes until my mom realizes I’m gone.”
“Well,” he said, sitting on a bench beside the restaurant, “I’m going to wait with you.” I sat down next to him.
“Fine, but be prepared to sit here awhile.”